The Godfather – Intimidation for all! (part one)

Scene: The 200 square-foot pool at the Godfather’s town house in Soho. The Godfather in his gray and purple striped Armani tuxedo, red high-heel Manolo’s, a Lacroix handbag hanging from the arm and his usual long blond wig.

- Vito

- Yes Godfather?

- Is everything ready for tonight’s soiree?

- Yes Godfather. We have the best caterer in town from Cipriani’s, 250 cases of Dom Perignon, that iceberg-water from Japan you love so much and the strawberry gel truck, along with the dwarfs should be arriving any minute now. All of the invitations are RSVPed and we should have a full house today, sir!

- That is fantastic Vito. (slap in the face). You are the man!

- Thank you sir. Would you like me to let Texugo out tonight sir?

- Yes Vito. Him and the dwarfs in their bikinis will be a great addition to the soiree. We shall have a great time, but keep Hilda in her cage, you know how she gets during these parties!

- Godfather, would you like me to send Stefan to pick up Don Luvetta at the bus stop?

- Vito! (another slap). You pick him up! When he sees that Guatemalan pool-queen, I mean pool-boy; he will think we ordered a hit. And Vito! Why is he riding the bus?

- Well sir, apparently there was much confusion to the real color of his car and to avoid more embarrassing discussions he decided to sell it to you sir.

- Oh, I see, so that's how that strange flower-box came to be in my yard?

- Yes Sir. And I am sorry for not telling you sir.

- Vito (slap, slap). And why did you painted it in Frida Calo-purple?

- I am sorry sir. That is the real color of the car.

- Well, I see. I believe we should donate it to the Hamptons' YMCA. They will use it wisely at next year's parade. And Vito, You did not forget to specify that tonight is boys’ night, right?

- Not at all Godfather. And don’t worry; Misses Anna H. Luvetta is out of town.

- That is great… I hate that bitch. I mean, she sounds like a full ambulance on the way to the hospital, inhéum, inhéum, inhém… God! How can someone put up with that woman for so long?

- Maybe she is good in bed, Godfather!

- Vito! (slap in the mouth). Shut the fuck up. She looks like an umbrella with a pretty face painted on it. I mean, a beach umbrella. Have you seen the size of that woman? Come on, hugging her must be like hugging a cold steel pole during winter; after a few hours you realize that nothing is going to happen and you got your tong stuck somewhere undesirable.

- Yes Godfather. Oh, the dwarfs and the gel are here. I will show them to the pool.

- Vito! (another slap). Before I forget... vertically challenged go-go girls! Don’t forget that Don Malanzzagni will be here tonight and he is very PC.

- Is he a communist, sir?

- Vito! (another slap). I told you to lay off the porn, you ignorant sorry excuse for a… ah, whatever! Just do as you are told and don’t say anything embarrassing. I mean, don’t say anything at all.

- Yes Godfather!